I have been going through a tough time of late and have been spat out the other end thanks to 2 helpful things: A focus on joy and an amazing practitioner supplement N-acetylcysteine which assisted in me turning a corner. I've decided to be really honest and raw in this letter as I feel why not? What is there to hide? I love when others are honest and real with me. Also, I watched 2 TED talks on shame and vulnerability on Friday by Brene Brown, which I think just tipped me over the edge to share.
You see I have a history of depression. It began in high school and has reared it's head every now and then over the years. After losing my partner of ten years at the beginning of the year, my foundation was a little shaky. I have really tried to soldier on this year, but it's been tough. I've been holding my head up and really trying to find my new groove, but every now and then (like last weekend) things just reached a point of overwhelm and I caved. I had a number of signals leading up to the weekend, which I was trying to work around. Finally I felt myself slipping - I know my signs and signals, so I thought, hang on, where is the joy in what I am creating? What do I have the power to change?
Last Saturday I had a very real and honest chat with my cousin (who is also an entrepreneur) about how challenging things were for me at this point in time. Speaking these challenges aloud led to a few major decisions, which took the pressure off - the pressure, I had place don myself. Can you relate?
This conversation led me to challenge my thoughts on my 9-day Renew You Retreat, quit Facebook (my personal account) and focus on what brings me joy. "What do you really want to choose Janelle?" beyond all 'shoulds'. I feel I have been running at full speed trying to catch up, while organising the retreat, while seeing clients, while trying to catch up on my blogs, newsletters, Facebook, Instagram - all that, while still needing to continue relief teaching to pay those bills which keep creeping in running solo and running a 9 day retreat. I found myself drowning in my thoughts and looking for a way out. As it goes with being an entrepreneur, no one else pays the bills but yourself, so when costs are high and your not making ends meet, what do you do? You need to kick into logical mode and start making some honest shifts.
I set an intention last full moon, at a women's circle gathering. It was to trust in the flow and be kind to myself. So with all that was happening in my mind and the feeling of 'slipping'...I gave myself the permission to allow myself to not go ahead with my 9-day Renew You Retreat. This decision has not been made in haste.
However, making a choice, this choice, and not simply soldering on, allowed me to wake up the following morning and feel whole again. To feel like life doesn't need to be stressful. To know that my choices create flow, ease and joy in my world. To know that I wouldn't be chasing my tail for the next 4 months, while holding my breath. I am grateful for that. I have felt things were moving at a pace I wasn't comfortable with and I chose to honour that by stopping the retreat knowing I wasn't giving the very best of me.
To utilise all that I have worked so hard to create for my 9-day retreat I have been mapping out how I can share it in smaller snippets so that it is more accessible for you in the community and others outside the community. I know that 9 days is a long time to step away for and possibly not achievable for everyone. Please note though that it was designed for a very specific reason - to allow you the space and support, away from your everyday life, to educate yourself on the big picture so you feel empowered to implement new practices with understanding, in order to develop new habits to support you on your journey to abundant health.
I am noting all of the amazing individuals around me, which I also plan to collaborate with for mini workshops, events and shorter retreats. I endeavour to bring each other together, create joy, share knowledge and strengthen our community of women.
So as you may have noted, I got overwhelmed, chose self-care and realised I needed to refocus - please support me in doing so by being as real, honest and vulnerable with me (as I have just been) in telling me what I can do for you.
My burning question that I have for you is what do you love about Seeds Of Health? I want to know what you value most.
- Do you value the Naturopath consultations and iridology?
- Would you like more recipes on the blog?
- Would you like more newsletters and sharing on the blog - understanding more about me, Janelle, the person behind the Seeds Of Health brand?
- Do you value me sharing on Facebook and Instagram?
- Would you appreciate more resources to assist you on your journey? What kind?
- I'm keen to share more videos on my YouTube channel (Janelle Twine) and my eBook isn't far away!
So, I'm so eager to hear from you in this Seeds Of Health community. How can I support you more?
My intention in this community is to bring women together to empower and strengthen each other both with self-care principles and human connection. I look forward to hearing from you, what you value most about what I offer and Seeds Of Health and in turn how I can support you more.